Busty Beach Balls

Grandma gave the boys a beach ball the other day.

On the packaging stood the standard, busty, long-haired, blonde woman in a bathing suit holding the striped ball.

When Louis looked at the package he exclaimed cheerfully:

"She sure can feed some babies."

But it really feels nice

It seems our life should feel more stressful.

• We negotiated and negotiated and negotiated to buy a house. (Rather torturous.) Finally...we got the place.
• Which means we are moving next week.
• Louis graduated from his first year of preschool.
• Elsworth, my hospice patient died Sunday.
• Megan and Justin are graduating from high school tomorrow.
• Mom turns 51.
• My 4 year old is trying to potty train my 2 year old.

But it really feels nice.

To Els

In loving memorial to Elsworth Berget: And to all of my patients:

http://eisforels.blogspot.com/

Selfishness Detox

Selfishness Detoxification.

I never thought of myself as a selfish person.
Until I had kids.

Children teach things to us parents. Like how to give everything to another person. A sacrifice that is natural, sweet, and at times, damn hard.

It began with Pregnancy:

Sharing my body with another human being. Sharing my nutrients, energy, and figure to create a cozy home and healthy body for your little one. Amazingly beautiful, kinda weird, and pretty doable. At least until a healthy dose of nausea, hormones, and sleep deprivation set in.

(P.S. The physical symptoms of drug/alcohol detox... ie: headaches, vomiting, perspiration, confusion, agitation, anxiety, restlessness, insomnia, cramping, nausea... are so oddly similar to symptoms of pregnancy.)

The Child. "The Reason":

Our children. Beautiful. Intoxicating smells. Radiant innocence. Complete reliance. Pure love. Ours. Unique, gorgeous little people. Growing. Learning. Changing and becoming. Really cool to experience. So much happiness. So much love.

Parenting. "The Detox:"

I just didn't know.

Like a person experiencing detox from chemical dependencies...

"Detox is necessary for a person to achieve a (drug or) alcohol free and non-dependent state and begin the successful road to a long-term recovery. " MedicalDetox.org

"Most recoveries begin with detoxification. This process clears the body of the toxins accumulated during the period of drug use and provides a physical 'clean slate.' Once the physical addiction has been addressed, mental and emotional healing...and the reprogramming and relearning process can begin ." MedicalDetox.org

Parenting does it to you.

I believe the last five years of parenting have been my detox.
The cure probably takes a lifetime of experience.
But detox is over.
I finally feel like a clean slate.
Thank you kids.

Eat Poop

This morning Brandon had morning breath. When DJ noticed, he looked confused and asked:

"Dad, you eat poop?"

Surviving Dying

It's a strange contradiction to say that death is a part of life.
And to claim that a person can "survive dying" is literally impossible.

We live.
We die.
People we love live.
People we love die.

That's what happens.

Now personally, I admit...I'm terrified. Afraid and heart-sick just imagining the loss. Horrified thinking of leaving my children motherless, and me childless. Heartbroken at the image of being separated from my love. Melancholy with an image of the day my parents pass. Sad at the tragedies I know.

Yet I feel at home with "end of life." Once, I sat in the front office of a hospice agency awaiting a job interview. I browsed a bulletin board pinned with layers of obituaries and wondered how these employees managed. But now I know. It's a gift.

Death is a unique, once-in-a-lifetime moment in a person's life. It exposes . Not only for the person experiencing it, but those watching. Now I am not talking just about the actual "moment" of death. But the process. It could be weeks, or days, or years. But it is always the same. Raw. Real. And Individual.

Unique. Distinctive. And life changing.

I am starting this blog as a memorial, an expression, and a conversation for those of us who are dying, or watching someone else die. For those suffering. For the one experiencing. For the caregiver. And for the courage.

We all face it.
And survive it.

http://survivingdying.blogspot.com/

happy SLEEPY

I AM SLEEPY. and happy.

Friday.Saturday. Eventful.

• Hired an agent. (Christina is to agents is like Ferreirra is to pediatricians. everything we want.) Yah for very qualified people with the best bedside manner ever!

• Signed the rental contract, entered landlordhood, and officially committed to homelessness on May 31st.

• Walked through lots and lots of houses. (Thank you Amy and Mom for watching the kids!)

• Sold B's junky red car for a good price (to the buyer) to a very happy man.

• Found out B's liver enzymes are significantly on the drop!! Cheers to growing older w my man. He's adding years.

• Met w a loan officer and signed our names and initials over and over and over. Plus giving him everything he would ever want to steal our identity.

• Cared for 3 kids under 4.

I am tired and super excited about this crazy month.
happy SLEEPY.

Incredible Aud

My Incredible Aud makes incredible windows.

I really love them. You can hang them in your bedroom. Or outside. Or by your window for great reflections. "Patchwork" and "Wild Seventies" sold quick today at the boutique. My favorite is the "Tree." Maybe it'll be my first "new home" warming purchase.

They are so great.

Templates??

Oh, and how do you, my friends have such unique blog templates? Where did you get them?? I want something lavender.

Change a Comen...

When Benny was in my belly, I felt it coming.

Now it is here.

Change.

We own a condo. A great family-friendly place. It's clean. It's safe. Nice enough.... I mean, it was only once when the neighbors forgot to bring their kitchen stove in from the front porch. And every home is not EXACTLY the same. But I like it. And the kids are comfortable here.

It is not, however, our dream.

Lately we've vowed that the next move is the "Never Move Again" move. (At least til the boys are raised.) The place where money invested, is money enjoyed. The home with a white, hexagon-tiled bathroom. Some property with some space, a few climbing trees, rocks, and grass. A cozy school system. An established neighborhood. Space to stay. Maybe have a basement to rent out, or room for a hospice patient to stay. You know, the "white picket fences" we all hope for.

If there is a time for us to jump, we've decided it is now. Volumes of homes for sale, with record interest rates.

So...we found a place. We've found a renter. And we made an offer.

Change is a comen.

Batman and Wobin

Superheros!! If not dressing up... then they're flying, punching, posing, or karate choppen, (including sound effects.)

Reality is hard to convince....when it comes to basic safety. "I'll punch it off the road or jump over it," was the response I received after warning about moving cars the other day. And the boys strip to their undies at least 3 times a day. I don't even try putting them in pajamas.

It is, however, endearing. Here are a few pics from today...